gatsbymovie:

The Summer of Gatsby begins TODAY, old sport! Get your tickets now to the party of the year: http://bit.ly/GatsbyTix

tonight’s really boring

i’ve captured a rare specimen. 

Anonymously tell me your honest opinion about me. I can’t reply, just publish.

knightlytempo:

egberthugs:

gross, i didn’t offer for me to do it!

what about if i got an entire delivery truck to show up at your place and just dump as many doritos in your parking lot as they possibly can. 

i actually was expressing disbelief that you didnt know my choice was netflix

perfect ill just bathe in those. incredible

well, i can get you half the amount of doritos PLUS the netflix then. 

i’ll get you the doritos if you bathe. wow, a concept. 

knightlytempo:

egberthugs:

oh shit!
i’ll mail you something to make up for it, if you want. 

maybe a new sweater so you can wash that one or something.
a lifetime supply of pizza from pizza hut. 
free netflix membership, maybe?
take your pick.

are you going to have to have someone personally haul your ass into a bath to wash off all that stink of yours? you probably smell like an old dog. 

nah, it’s alright. i HAVE been gone for a while. 

yes john of course you can bathe me how charismatically homosexual of you to offer

netflix wtf do you even know me

gross, i didn’t offer for me to do it!

what about if i got an entire delivery truck to show up at your place and just dump as many doritos in your parking lot as they possibly can. 

knightlytempo:

egberthugs:

i should hang that same list in my apartment somewhere. 

know a good way to get rid of your enemies? just make a sandwich out of twinks, peanut butter and furbies. 

absolutely

by the way thanks man for forgetting my birthday

it was only the big 2-0 im basically still rolling in the sweet dough I raked in with the pleasantness of a newborn kitten

fuck me this sweater? softer than your missing girlfriends dick

ive been wearing it all year im too lazy to bathe or wash my clothes i probs have some kind of tumor growing down there and i dont even care

i missed you damn sorry cant help talking so much

oh shit!
i’ll mail you something to make up for it, if you want. 

maybe a new sweater so you can wash that one or something.
a lifetime supply of pizza from pizza hut. 
free netflix membership, maybe?
take your pick.

are you going to have to have someone personally haul your ass into a bath to wash off all that stink of yours? you probably smell like an old dog. 

nah, it’s alright. i HAVE been gone for a while. 

knightlytempo:

egberthugs:

if you come near me covered in peanut butter i’m suing you for everything you own. 

no

that food is forbidden in our household from now on. got it on the list and everything

right beneath furby and twinks

its like some kind of demonic sandwich

i should hang that same list in my apartment somewhere. 

know a good way to get rid of your enemies? just make a sandwich out of twinks, peanut butter and furbies.